Back in the Arms of the Big J-man

After spending all of my adult life as an atheist, I have finally been brought back in to the fold of Christianity. The agent of my miraculous conversion? The New York Times, which ran a story of a church in Monroe, Ohio which has erected a 62 ft statue of Jesus made entirely of plastic and Styrofoam at an expense of $250,000. The pastor was apparently motivated by the desire to outdo a 35 ft statue worshipping that false idol Paul Bunyan in Bangor, Maine. HARK YE SINFUL BUNYANITES! REPENT THY SINS OR BURN IN THE FIRES OF HADES!

Anyway, when I read this article, it was like the Lord was speaking to me, and I said “Finally, someone gets it”. You see the problem with Christianity in the 20th century is that it has had such a weak assed sales pitch. I’m mean “Jesus loves you” is ok for a slogan, but its kind of milk toast as an entire sales campaign. And that bit about redemption and love your fellow man? I mean come on fellas, you can do better than that. So finally, a pastor comes along with just what I needed to bring me back into the arms of the Church, some slick assed advertising. A 62 ft Jesus made entirely of petrochemicals? Who isn’t gonna buy into that? I only pray that the rumors I’ve been hearing of a 100 ft Vishnu made of gummy bears prove false, or I’m in for a serious crisis of faith.