If it isn't Scottish, it's CRAP.

“It’s shit being Scottish! We're the lowest of the fucking low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization.” At least that’s the view of Renton in Trainspotting. Having never been a disadvantaged, drug addicted urban youth in Scotland, I’m not in much of a position to refute his claims. Although I will say that the fact that he gets to nail that hottie Diane in the movie does point to a certain amount of hyperbole in his statement… but I digress. So while I cannot, in fact, say whether it is or is not shit being Scottish, I can tell you that pretending to be Scottish in Seoul fuckin rocks… at least for one night of the year anyway.

Last Saturday night was the St. Andrew’s Ball, a night for the patron saint of Scotland and one of the best social events in Seoul. It’s basically a night of food, scotch, and lots of Scottish country dancing… yeah Scottish country dancing that’s what is said, clown if you must. By way of a quick description, Scottish country dancing is about what you would get if you took line dancing, cross bred it with a bottle of scotch, and dressed the offspring in a kilt. This is of course preceded by an excellent dinner, a few speeches that leave those of us how are mere Scottish posers at the dance entirely mystified, and of course, the address to the haggis.

Let me take a second here to dispose of an old myth. Haggis is actually pretty friggin good. So anyway the address to the haggis is a poem by Robert Burns about the virtues of haggis (basically that those who don’t eat it are spindly legged momma’s boys compared to the Scots). Told properly, as it was by our Chieftain (who is definitely not spindly legged), it makes for a very entertaining performance.

Then, of course there is the dancing. This can involve a bit of directing of traffic, as not everyone is able to get to the practices and large amounts of Scotch are not generally conducive to activities requiring coordination. That said, we made it through the evening with no injuries and everyone had a good time.