Girl Rock Induces Spontaeous Sex Change in Korean Garage Band

Once thought to only occur in certain amphibian species, researchers have been left scrambling to find an explanation for the spontaneous change in gender in the members of a Korean garage band, apparently induced by their switch to girl rock. While the members of the Beanpowder Band still retain the outward appearance of men, they are now in all essential aspects women. While unable to accurately describe the biological processes involved, researchers have definitively identified the band’s choice of music as the primal cause of their change in gender. Several months ago, the band’s male singer left and was replaced with a female singer. This necessitated a change in music, resulting in a profusion of girl rock in the band’s repertoire. Somehow, heavy doses of Natalie Imbruglia and Avril Lavigne have turned these once men into simpering women.

Rhythm guitarist Chris Newton kindly took time away from his aromatherapy to discuss the situation with this reporter. Surrounded by candles and fresh wild flowers and with Blondie playing in the background, Mr. Newton seeped femininity. Yet he strongly argues that no change in the band or its essential character has occurred (clearly a strong case of denial). “Yeah I know that since we’ve taken on Un-ha we don’t do stuff like System of a Down or Panterra anymore, but honestly dude, I think ‘Sk8er Boi’ and ‘Don’t Tell Me’ rock just as hard as anything we used to do” said Mr. Newton in between sips of white zinfandel. “But of course, when we do a concert, we don’t just do the heavy stuff like that. We like to slow it down and do stuff for the ladies as well” At this point the interview broke down for several minutes while this reporter attempted in vain to stifle his laughter.

When the interview resumed, Mr. Newton went on to discuss changes in the band’s change in venues. “We used to play in this one bar. It had great sound system and the owner let us drink for free. But the lighting was terrible. It made my skin look all sallow. At our new place my face is just glowing. I don’t think it’s just the switch in facial scrub either. Besides, the old place only gave us beer, and we were starting to worry that we looked bloated on stage.”

While they have failed to identify the biological processes, doctors have been experimenting with a regimen of heavy metal, ultimate fighting, and pornography to affect a cure. The prognosis, however, remains grim, as the patients continuously complain about the needless violence and degradation of women in their therapy.