Nothing says "Good Fortune" like a box of Spam

Ah it’s that magical holiday season again here in my little corner of the world. Next week is the Lunar New Year. The exact significance is a bit lost on me but I know it involves Spam. I know this because sometime next week my boss will smilingly present me with a nicely wrapped Spam gift pack (yeah that’s what I said) and wish me good fortune in the New Year. Why Spam should possess any extraordinarily auspicious symbolism is beyond me but apparently it does. When asked, my Korean friends will tell a heart warming little story about how after the Korean War food was scarce and the Spam dispersed by the US army helped families make it through those lean times. But hey, quaint history aside people, its still fuckin Spam. So anyway I’ll smile, thank my boss, maybe do a little bow, and go off to enjoy a three day holiday (well not actually cause two of those days are a Saturday and a Sunday this year and you can bet your sweet ass we don’t get jack shit for that). Furthermore, “enjoy” would not be the correct word for this particular holiday. Nearly everything is Seoul is closed (presumably the store owners are all busy scarfing down Spamish delights with their families), and travel is basically impossible. No joke, get on any major road during these three days and the only movement you’ll experience will be due to tectonic drift. This means my boredom level will rise to something roughly equivalent to what you would experience if you were entered in a three day scrabble tournament with a sub-average monkey, a junior White House staffer, and a spastic clown who only spoke in haiku. So most likely I’ll spend this holiday contemplating the virtues of processed meat products, guzzling large amounts of Soju (a Korean alcohol that doubles as a fine industrial cleaner), and subjecting the rest of you to my questionable comedic abilities. I can only hope you start this New Year as profitably as I’m going to.